To Find My Self

I left one day to find my self, there was nothing left to lose
There were so many steps that I could take, so many paths to choose
But I was lost and knew no way, and hence seemed surely doomed
For my self was nowhere to be seen and a frigid darkness loomed
Evil powers spun about, meaning to derail me
Darkness hovered overhead; black, black wind assailed me
Spears and swords and harsh, harsh words flew like bolts of lightning
Ghosts and ghouls like mad, mad fools whirled in movement frightening

.

I left one day to find my self, but I found myself in night
The sun shined not upon this earth, it glowed only with fright
At last my fears were realized and spectres came in full assault
My self was beaten and maligned, they knew my every fault
They struck out with points of steel, breaking flesh and bone
And through this whole accursed time, their eyes with evil shone
Sweat and mud and red, red blood soon were all about me
Tears and smears and cold, cold, fears cause my self to doubt me

.

I have been wounded in the heart, I hope that it is fatal
For life, it seems, has hated me since my days within the cradle
And all the joy that I had known has surely all depleted
My self was nowhere to be found and wraiths were ‘round me seated
Death would seem a sweet relief but it’s dread clung to my breast
I wished to perish from the earth but feared to take the test
But ghoul and ghost and the foul, foul host soon were rent asunder
As I looked and gazed through bleak, bleak haze my eyes beheld a wonder

.
I left one day to find my self, but I found Someone much better
He removed my chains of doubt and bound me with graceful fetters
He found me in the wilderness where I had lost my self
And He took me up as His own son, and granted me His wealth
He did the deed I could not do, saving flesh and soul
And when the task of payment came, He took up my role
He gave up His breath in low, low death that I might not suffer loss
And now, at last, on this thin, thin path I follow with my cross

.
I have been wounded in the heart, I hope that it will kill me
For when I die I know His love will come at last to fill me
And my self is no more the thing that I would seek o’er all
But now I see it is the thing that most often makes me fall
For my soul has been released from the weight that it was under
And surrender has its liberty as lightning has its thunder
For in Might and Power in my grim, grim hour He came and I heard this word
I find my health, my wealth, my self, when I lose it in my Lord

When Pillars Fail

I recall the pillar of fire that led by night
It told us where to go in the darkest hour
It ever burned with celestial light
It assured us of the celestial power

I recall the pillar of cloud that guided by day
It set forth the path while the sun still shone
It ever showed us the celestial way
It ever assured us we would reach our home

But now those days are gone and we must invade our Promised Land
We must rely on what He told us in the past
Now we must press on as He seems to stay His hand
We must believe His promises will last

No, the fire and the cloud do not guide us anymore
And the trials of this life will often find us
But just as valid as those pillars that used to go before
Is the guidance of the Word of God behind us

My Life is Like the Dark

my life is like the dark
my life is like the sea
toilsome tides quench the spark
that longs to burn in me

my heart is like a stone
my spirit like the snow
I wander witless and alone
where e'er my footsteps go

my eyes are like a burned out wick
my strength a wilted flower
my soul is cut down to the quick
my mind has lost its power

for I have soared on broken wings
but then I tumbled to my doom
my flesh sought after worthless things
'til my Savior had no room

oh, I am dark and I am lost
but He shines like a star
I cannot begin to count the cost
that lies within His scars

there is no light my soul can know
but that which He provides
I long to magnify His glow
and shine forth from inside

my life is like the night
but His light still will thrive
and He will not give up the fight
as long as I'm alive

Day After Day

Day after day, northward I climb
Hoping to find a higher height
Day after day, eastward I sigh
Longing to see a lighter light
Day after day, westward I glance
For I know this day soon shall end
Day after day, southern romance
Tempts me back to where I have been

I stop to listen, I stop to look
To that land that is now below
That land I had fearfully forsook
When I heard the northward call to go
But now, day by day and breath by breath
It calls to me with fading worth
And warns me of impending death
If I ever seek the North

But day after day, I am deaf and blind
To the world that calls me from behind
And day after day, again I die
For he cannot live who wants to fly
Day after day I forsake it all
But that Voice Who calls from the northern way
Day after day I heed His call
And climb (and die) day after day